i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
