hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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