I'm jealous of your bromance
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
