Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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