If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
