Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
