My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
