I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
