I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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