i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
