Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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