Whod you bang
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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