I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
