I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
