I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
