I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
