Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
