in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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