She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
