love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
