Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
