since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
