he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
