i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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