Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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