Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
