I want to make a zoo with you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
