every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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