ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He passed out mid-signature
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
