sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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