My sheets look like a crime scene.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
