I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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