im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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