I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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