I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
