it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
