if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
