what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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