First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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