Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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