someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
