She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i would punch a child for taco bell
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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