guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
