Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
