Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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