Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
