I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
