i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
