Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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