know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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