Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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