I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize