PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
