She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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