I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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