Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
