i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
