How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think my moral compass just broke
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
