dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
