You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You've changed since you got that strap on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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