Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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