i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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