it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
