OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
