She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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