well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
