I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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