what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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