i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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