I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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