If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
