My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize