He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
