You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
