she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
