I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
