Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
