if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
