but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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