At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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