Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
