dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
