i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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