at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
