i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
